Bummertime II

by Agnostic

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1.
01:09
2.
02:58
3.
4.
02:21
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00:58
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02:17
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14.

about

i lit a large white candle when i started recording the first song i wrote for this album. as i recorded each song, i lit it again, and once i finished the last draft, i extinguished it. i repeated this process until the album was complete and the candle was gone.
summer is too long.
this has been a very transitional time for me. this album is meant to encapsulate the ways things have changed + stayed the same.

written + recorded spring/summer '14
except: "You" was written and recorded in september '13 as part of my 30-day songwriting project with James.
"Staying awake" was written and recorded winter '13 at Chaim's place in Queens, NY
some of the ideas on this album go back years and have only been realized now, particularly "throw your life away" and "your troubles in dust" - songs that wanted me to write them for a long time.

huge + heartfelt thanks to Levi; Tera; Ben; Ben; Chaim and his grandparents for letting me crash on their couch and abiding my unreasonable sleeping habits; Shilo - get out of bed and call me back; Dean for his late-night exposition on "lo-fi" and other imaginary conceptual evils; Lesa and the authorities for showing me not to take a good thing for granted; G for being a role model; nameless interactions that inspired the last track.

this album is for Gloria, who always told me to pursue myself.

credits

released August 1, 2014

all songs written + performed by Asher Meerovich
except:
backing chorus on 3 includes voices of Levi Meerovich
charango and harmony on 5 by Tera Duffer
lyrics to the title track by Ben Kleymeyer

art: Pablo Picasso, commissioned for this record

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all rights reserved

about

Agnostic College Park, Maryland

dust to dust

i also play in Tomato Dodgers

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Track Name: Bummertime
A summer storm washed through my hometown
And on my porch I only sit and stare
What could I do as everything came down
I couldn’t even force myself to care.

Leafs blew around my face, they were still green, to me
And in the distance thunder echoed Loud.
Though, in this rain I rust like a machine,
I only sit and stare. I am not Proud.

The door behind me no keys in my sight.
True thick and hard too strong for me to break
Try’s all I’ve done given all of my might
To get inside and see if it’s not false

That maybe it’s not bad when you get wet
If you never end up dripping, I bet
Track Name: Woman in Black
once you fall asleep i've been sneaking off downstairs
tiptoeing with a flashlight in my hand
i've been measuring the inches of the whiskey in the bottle
to figure out how much you need to drink the thoughts away
i read through all the letters that you sent
i flip through the photo albums on the shelf
i don't pray to god after i slip back into bed
i know that we're already in hell

and i've tried so hard to stay the way that i am
instead of how you want me to be
but your demands just increase, and i keep on losing sleep
cause loving you was never free, it was never free

i keep trying to write songs about heroin
but every line just comes out about you
the pain on my arm is your fingers gripping hard
telling me you need to leave me soon
i fall asleep with your name on my mouth
the nausea and the dizziness won't stop
my brother says my screaming is too loud
i know that i won't ever readjust

and i've tried so hard to stay the way that i am
instead of how you want me to be
but your demands just increase, and i keep on losing sleep
cause loving you was never free, it was never free
cause when you're near, it's clear i'll never get away
you give me such a heart attack
but i'd rather die than try to leave ever again
you know i'll just come crawling back, you know i'll come right back
Track Name: Old Postcard
i think i've become obsessed with your face
i keep finding it in places that i go
i close my eyes and rub my fingers on my wrists
it haunts me like a song i used to know
i can't remember the last thing i said to you
and i wish i could at least be left with that
i don't know if you're happier now
but the thought of you with someone makes me sad
but the thought of you alone isn't much better
i would come upstate and visit but i can't stand the weather
and i don't know your address anymore
i'd spend all afternoon knocking on your neighbor's doors
showing them your picture
and asking for the girl who made me die
i don't think it would be very a good idea to try
Track Name: Trading Colors
They've closed all the hospitals down
They don't want to keep the schools
They sold the trains off, one by one, it won't be long til they're all gone
While we sit and watch like fools.

They've stopped all the service for the buses
Don't ask where the factories were
The Post Office disappeared, the gas station's looking weird
They might as well have never been there

People use big words for the smallest of things
Since you've come around I can't hold onto anything
So make yourself at home in my great big empty head
I've lost all of my faculties but you've moved in instead
Track Name: Elvis Impersonator (big version)
i lived down the street from an elvis impersonator
he taught me how to make friends in my head
we walked down the street at night and a little later
he had big scary eyes, big scary eyes, big scary eyes, big scary eyes

they'll kill me if i tell you what i know
it seems much easier to let it all go
they'll kill me if i tell you what i know
so don't worry, don't worry, take it slow, take it slow
and remember that a year goes by like that

i lived down the street from a crocodile man
he taught me with his crocodile hands
he told me not to ever let someone tell me what i was owed
you think you're a victim
and your only symptom is sympathy (x3)

they'll kill me if i tell you what i know
the sheet music is falling down on top of me, don't you
they'll kill me if i tell you what i know
so don't worry, take it slow
and remember just how fast a year goes by
Track Name: Staying awake til 5 and Seeing Snow
i slept in your bed and was cold for the first time
i can't say any more
i guess we must be not in love
this is just the brink

here in our empty home
we're finally on our own
and it's so quiet that we don't know what to say
every day we're just wasting away
grey evidence
we turned into cadavers
barely breathing
lonely strangers
this is just the brink

you once told me that nothing bored you
but people who were bored by you
i can't wait for you not to call
this is just the brink
Track Name: Throw your Life Away
you lost your mind in august and they brought you to a doctor
they treated you for nightmares but you only treaded water
it's a crime
to waste away your time in ones and twos

i'd forgotten what your name was til i saw you in the paper
they brought you back to haunt me, so i guess sooner or later
you'd appear
you'll never be at peace until you do

i'm twenty and a child
i only do what makes me feel at home
you won't ever make it on your own

your father was a writer and your mother was a shipwreck
when everybody asks you where you think you're going next
you don't reply
just look them in the eye and turn away

my friends have turned to shadows and my confidence is growing
and i'm becoming certain that the only things worth knowing
are the names
of flowers that you find deep in the woods

we're caught between the lines
of where we are and where we want to be
you won't ever find the answers that you need in your tv
Track Name: I feel the Devil's breath on the back of my Neck
i feel the devil's breath on the back of my neck
i sang you a song for the tremors in your head
he only lets go when he gets what he wants
you told me you wished the pills had left you dead

and when we crash down on dry land
we'll have broken legs so i'll hold your hand
and we'll walk down the shore to the ice cream stand
and you'll smile with your eyes, and i'll know you understand
Track Name: You
you've been in my waking dreams
i wonder what your face looks like
i feel the sun go down when you frown
i feel the sun explode when -

you give me tremors i don't know how to fix
if i had a kingdom i would surely give it up
i wonder what the place looks like
where you hide your dreamer's wings
and i just want to feel the sun come up
i just want to feel -

you occupy my prophecies
you dig into the tracks i leave
you used to live alone
i know you used to live alone
i know you used to -
Track Name: Shave your Head when you Get This
i left you alone
to find my way home
the holes in your face
seem so out of place
so when you arrive
tell me how to live
the more that i take
the more that you give

and i see all the lies you try to tell to me
they sink like poison scum
the way you fall into my arms
say you're the only one

didn't they teach me
how not to be?

and i see the way you laugh in my face
you tell me all the truth
the way you hide to cede your lies
it won't be good for you
Track Name: Your Troubles in Dust
i can't even think
it all comes too fast
i don't want to look at myself
i can't even feel
the touch of your hand
i wish i were somebody else

you were one
who made me feel tall
enough to stand alone
now you're gone
and this time i know why
i can't follow you home

i can't even see
the sun in the sky
i hear them ringing the bells
i can't believe
that this came to pass
i don't want to be by myself

your face looks wrong
black holes in your eyes
instead of the colors i've known
i wish i could run
but i'm already lost
i can't follow you home
Track Name: I want to Love you but I also want to set myself on Fire
snapshot, winter of last year
the future didn't seem as clear
but you were closer than you are
and springtime didn't seem as far

even though it's summer now
i sleep with all my blankets on

the gypsy woman said we'd fall apart
but we made a cocoon of lost bodies and found art
we harbored no delusions that this game would last forever
we know we're not in love, we just destroy ourselves together